• Take your child out into new settings where they have the opportunity to meet new people (playgrounds, swimming pools, shopping malls, etc.).
• Coach your child on how to smile in a friendly way, greet others, and make friendly comments.
• Teach your child how to engage others by asking polite questions.

There are 5 basic steps that you can teach your child to help build social skills:

• LISTEN to what others say. People (especially children) love attention. Teach your child to pay attention to others. Talk with your child about how to give and receive attention. Praise and encourage your child as they demonstrate listening and interacting with other people.
• LOOK at the other person when talking with them. Model this behavior for your child. Ask your child to look at you when you are having a conversation. Have your child notice when other children have paid attention to them and ask how that made them feel.
• REPEAT the last few words the other person says. Model this behavior for your child. Use the last few words of a sentence your child just said to start your next sentence or question, such as:
  • Child: “I want to ride my bike to the store.”
  • Parent: “To the store?”

  Praise your child when during conversations you hear them repeat the last few words someone has said.

• USE NAMES. Using another person’s name during conversation shows you are interested in them. Encourage your child to use the other person’s name in conversation:
  • Instead of saying “Let’s play basketball” say “Tom, let’s play basketball”
• REPEAT AGAIN what you heard them say in your own words. Repeating lets the other person know you are listening to them and understand what they said. Model this behavior for your child:
  • Child: “Mrs. Brown is a good teacher. She tells us fun stories.”
  • Parent: “You like teachers who tell good stories.”

Take your child out into new situations or settings to provide the opportunity to practice new skills for meeting people and making friends. Talk about how to deal with new situations. Before going, discuss where you are going and what you will be doing. Suggest things your child might share with others to initiate conversation in this setting. Talk with your child about:

• Their thoughts and feelings on interacting with others
• What they heard others saying during the interaction
• Selecting friends who share similar interests and values

Anticipate that children in this age group are very curious and direct. They will show curiosity by touching, staring, making bold or direct statements, invading personal space, etc. When this happens, speak in a calm, confident manner and use simple one to two word responses. Provide opportunities to practice meeting new people by setting up play dates and scheduling community outings (library, playground, park, grocery store, etc.).

As children grow older, they often want to participate in groups with their peers in the school and community. They are more thoughtful, can have stronger emotional reactions, and may worry more about their body image. Social skills building will help to deal with these issues.

Discuss the importance of friendship and making friends. Try to provide opportunities for your child to meet new people in the community. Encourage your child’s participation in groups at school and extra-curricular activities.

Books, TV programs, and movies can be used to discuss how others meet people, make and maintain friends, and deal with social interactions.

These suggestions may be helpful for assisting a teenager with meeting people and making new friends:

• Actively involve current friends to participate in activities that will lead to meeting new people
• Identify particular skills or interests that your child has and encourage use of that as a means of meeting new people and dealing with new situations
• Find a joint activity that you and your child can participate in together and involves socializing with others (scouting, camping, rowing, clubs, etc.)
• Consider having your child join a peer or support group that promotes social skill development
• Encourage participation in a sponsored burn camp experience
• Use discussions of books, movies, and TV programs as a means of talking about meeting new people and interacting with others
• Suggest that your child keep a journal. Encourage them to write about topics related to friendship:
  • Meeting new people
  • What makes a good friend
  • How to end a friendship when it no longer works
  • When a friend moves away
  • Have your child write a short story about someone making a friend

Young adults have considerable life experience in meeting and dealing with new people. They may already have a strong social group to help with support and encouragement. Encourage them to use their existing peer support system to meet new people. Recognize that young adults may have concerns about the potential impact their injury or appearance may have on:

• Education
• Employment
• Future relationships
• Life goals (can I live on my own, can I do what I planned to do with my life, etc.

Assure your young adult it is normal to have questions and feelings about how their injury may impact their life. To help them deal with their concerns, listen and reflect back what feelings your child is expressing. Be cautious about developing and imposing your feelings and solutions. Remind them of their skills, strengths, and experiences. Encourage independence and the continued pursuit of life plans and goals.

If additional help is needed, suggest attending a self-help or support group. You could also consider attending the Phoenix Society’s World Burn Congress as a family.